Thursday, March 26, 2009

You Might Be a Bike Fanatic If ...

  1. When driving you slam on the brakes at a light and try to twist out of your brake pedal
  2. When speeding away from the light minutes later you're annoyed that your right foot still hasn't clipped into the accelerator pedal
  3. You nearly rip the steering wheel out of your car trying to jump over a pot hole
  4. You find yourself yelling 'LEFT' on the freeway
  5. You spend more on energy bars and Gatorade than on gas
  6. Your REI dividend check is bigger than your tax refund
  7. You spent more on bike computers last year than your PC
  8. You're heading out the door on a Saturday night and realize you only own two pair of shoes that don't have cleats attached to them
  9. You're a guy and you own a delicates bag for your laundry
  10. All of your T-shirts have race logos on them
  11. Your boyfriend splurges and takes you to THAT restaurant. It's not till being seated you realize you wore sports bra under that sheer silk blouse
  12. You have sexual fantasies about Pearl Izumi
  13. You have more water bottles than water glasses
  14. You have a brand new spare tire for every bike you own, but your car tires are bald
  15. You have no idea where your car jack is located but know just where to find those 2 extra chain links you put in a box 3 years ago.
  16. You have no idea where to find a lingerie shop, but can find your way to every bike shop in town blind drunk, and know their opening and closing times by heart.
  17. You've told at least one girlfriend you'd reconsider breaking up with her if she slept outside so your bike will stay dry
  18. You've unzipped your sleeping back, pushed out your chest, told your boyfriend you love his ruggedness and promised him that sexual fantasy he's been bugging you about for the last year if he sleeps outside. As you wipe your bike down with his last pair of clean undershorts, the sky opens up with a deafening clap of thunder. You roll over and sleep like the dead without a single pang of guilt.
  19. When grandma takes the kids for the weekend you shun the soft porn and stay up to watch live coverage of the Tour de'France
  20. It has the same effect.
  21. When you discover they've stopped making your favorite flavor of Gatorade you become hysterical
  22. You cancel an elective surgery because it interferes with your training schedule
  23. Your mother-in-law dies while you're traveling to a race. You send flowers.
  24. Your bikes are all gleaming, but you haven't washed your car in a year
  25. You park your car outside so you have more room for your bikes
  26. He gives you a huge rock when proposing. Your first thought is for that kind of money he could have bought a carbon fiber tandem
  27. You take 3 sports vacations a year, but haven't vacationed with family in a decade
  28. Your parents live 2 states away but you decide to just bike there
  29. Your VISA card statement shows you did business with 57 vendors last year. 3 didn't sell bike stuff.
  30. You drop $300 on a helmet because none of the 6 you already own is the right color
  31. After downsizing half your department you find your riding partner a job so he doesn't have to leave town for work

No comments: